It’s easy to see why I haven’t embraced mobile phones. I don’t even like landlines much sometimes. A useful tool and an evil necessity often ignored. I don’t like that I’m always available to friends, foes and family….
I would like a button on my phone that sends a message saying I am here. This is not personal, but I just want to be incommunicado for a while….
Yesterday was my birthday and I was probably quite rude to people I like. I don’t have many friends and I can’t afford to rebuff them when they are offering me happy wishes, but I don’t think I view birthdays quite the same way as everyone else.
For a start I believe a birthday is a day for you. You don’t go to work whatever the motivation. It’s a day where you should be able to choose what you want to do. I lacked both the freedom to do what I would have chosen and the ability to define my choice, but by default I decided to stay home and be alone, to meditate upon my life and try and sort some sense out of the tangle.
It was unfortunately just like being at work, without a moment’s peace – phone calls and emails and interruptions until you can’t think. At the moment I can’t stand the frantic, busy nature of my life and I’ve been screaming inside for weeks at the futility of it all. Even minor responsibilities seem to weigh like lead. Frustrated, feeling sick and at wits end I wanted the whole week off but could only take one day with the excuse that it was my birthday. People then assume you have some merrymaking project in mind. Escape was my project and it failed mostly.
Half-assed it turned out to be. I didn’t succeed in getting some quiet tranquillity, I didn’t achieve anything and I rebuffed the few people who bother to continue to know me, which makes me feel guilty and completely counteracts any relaxation I might have had. What a winner of a day. Things can only look up I suppose.
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3 comments:
I totally relate to your birthday attitude. Mine came last month, and I generally choose to mark it in a similar way to you: quiet reflection on where I've been, contemplation of where I may aim for next. Prior to my Big Day, though, our boisterous house guest decided that a rampant piss-up was in order. My reluctance was only evidence of the fact that I secretly wanted it. Despite her good intentions, it pissed me off royally: don't I get a bloody say in this?!
Fortunately, I managed to wriggle out of said piss-up, but missed out on my day of peace and introspection. Ah well.
All the best to you for your big anniversary. I'd always thought you were a Gemini for some reason.
Hmm... hoping the Geminis you know aren't like the ones I know - because, as much as I might like or love them - I don't want to be thought like them.
It stuck in my mind specifically for that reason: I didn't think you were particularly Gemini-ish at all. :)
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