C J Cherryh books are always ‘the outsider finds a family’ in one variation or another and I think that’s why they resonate with me, because I am an outsider and perpetually looking to find a niche or ‘family’ – a place to belong. (We humans are a bit like herd animals in that way.) Trouble is, ‘family’ or belonging doesn’t always stay – it’s a shifting thing.
At my work, for instance, for a considerable while I felt as if I belonged there – I had lots of friends there and it all worked well, socially and work-wise. But people don’t stay in jobs; they tend to move on, looking for something better. Except me, because I think it pointless to shift from one not-so-bad or bad job to another. There is probably not going to be a greener pasture within the workforce for me. (Yes, I have a bad attitude.) I think it’s the painter in me – you don’t move from canvas to canvas looking for the best painting, well, not until you can see the picture isn’t going to work. (Perhaps other people can see the picture more quickly than I can? Painting is a bad analogy because I don’t like my job as much as I like working on a painting – that’s the whole problem.) I’m not likely to move on unless I can logically see it would be better for me, but do I need to, to search for a new belonging or will belonging come back to me?
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