No Hawkers and no Hawkers doing surveys

The other day we had someone come to the door. He wasn't selling anything, he said, but doing a survey. Very shortly it was clear he wasn't selling anything - he was just getting my contact details so others could sell me things.  When I demurred about giving my email address, he said not to worry - he would just put down a fake one and it was a win win situation. He was a student, working to study, so I felt sorry for him. However, his company wasn't doing the right thing by householders and he wasn't doing the right thing by his company. But why should he care? They were blatantly attempting a bit of a scam to get around the new rules for door-knocking. All he cared about was ticking off his list and getting paid.

All in all it made me think about overseas call-centres. I think about them quite often because we are having issues with our internet connection and so we have to talk to them all the time. Why should someone in another country who is earning a pathetic amount care about my first-world problems, even if they understand what the hell I'm talking about. They don't care. How can I get rid of you sir? We'll check into that and someone will call you back in a day.... All they care about is ticking off their check-list - being seen to be doing the job - and getting paid.

Decision making super powers please!

I'm so methodical, that if only I had a better decision capability I'd be on top of this house organisation thing. My house has improved. Or at least not gone backwards with the influx of things from my partner's parents house. I get rid of things almost every week. Yes, I do regret some of them, but I can live with regret. It's not nearly as bad as the negative emotions from having too much stuff....

I freely offer advice. I know it's a failing, really I do, but I find it hard to stop. I learnt it from my father who was always trying to help people. People often hated him for it. Sometimes all people want is to be listened to. I'm trying to learn to let people complain, offer meaningless sympathy and to try not to want to help them to solve the issue.

Washing Up!

We hand-wash our dishes rather than use a dishwasher for many reasons:

• Dishwashers are too destructive on vintage dishes and cutlery
• It's another machine to breakdown or need maintenance
• I don't like the chemicals in the dishwasher detergents

I have lots of arguments with people about how environmentally friendly dishwashers are.  I maintain the actual creation of a machine, the waste when they are disposed of and the harsh chemicals going into our water system all outweigh the fact that they often use less water than hand washing. 

Is the rest of the world the same?

Men in Australia think they have a right to comment on the way any woman looks, but they tend to dismiss you if you are older, as not worth looking at, not worth commenting on. Even the insults grow less. Which is nice.

When you are young you get quite enough of the comments. Walking in the street you get comments and shouts from cars or passer-bys. From friends, acquaintances, relatives. The size of your breasts, whether you are pretty or not, how fat or thin you are. It's all up there for public discussion and derision.

I've never thought of myself as the glass half-full kind but...

Sometimes people just need to complain. I get that. I complain more than I probably should, but I consider it part of my national identity as an Australian. Besides, people who never say what they think must explode sometime, don't you think?

Anyway - my possible failings aside, I'm here to complain about other people complaining. Things are bad, so you join a group on Facebook to get sympathy and help. Or why do you join? It seems some people just join to tell you how bad things are with them and never offer ideas or help. They take anything you say aggressively, even though you are just trying to offer help or hope or solidarity. But their situation is so bad and nothing you say will help. Their situation is worse than yours or anyone elses and no one has ever had anything remotely like it happen to them. In the group that is about that stuff.

It's not that I don't want them to explain what's happening with them. And I fully believe you should be allowed to be unhappy, express depression and all those bad emotions. I just think you also need to be aware that other people are going through things too and that a group is about helping each other, not just the all important 'you'. You can't show your unhappy, woe is me face every second or you risk doing the opposite for everyone else. Equally you can't show your totally perky side, but help groups should definitely not be a competition of who has it the worst.

I also find that when I suck it up and just try say things that might help rather than constantly complain about my own problems, that I find myself listening to my own advice and things get better.

And the glass? The glass is full - it has air and water. Does that have anything to do with who I am and how I relate to the world?

Sorry, but babies aren't cute - old Teddy Bears are

My friends post pictures of their babies. At the moment they are talking about the royal baby and that all babies are cute (even if they are royal is the general comment).... It's not just the parents, but childless people too, talking about the cuteness. I haven't come out and told them that I don't think babies are cute.

Sure, when you hold them they smell nice and turn all your nurturing switches. The more time you spend with them, the more your instincts to protect kick in. It's nice. But they aren't cute.

They especially aren't cute in pictures. I've seen cute pictures of toddlers - mostly the things they are doing and the clothes they are wearing, but babies? No.

Doing strange things to them like putting them in flower pots is especially not cute. That's just sickeningly bad taste.

Generally I just keep my thoughts to myself and think 'each to their own'. I think baby animal photos are sometimes cute, but I'm not into the obsession with cute really at all. I think Teddy bears are cute, but I don't collect them. I'm not into looking at pictures of everyones' cats either - I'm just not a part of this Cult of Cute....

Panda image is from this Etsy shop

My things now and forever

Under Dad's house after we had cleaned up some....

I remember every single thing of mine anyone else has ever thrown out no matter how small - even if I do understand why they did it now.

Looking back, I can understand how my father must have felt when I tried to clean up at his house. I used to try and throw things out that he wouldn't miss or that were a fire hazard and we would have arguments. I eventually did some reading and I got a better understanding of what he was going through (and realised I was collecting things too - it just wasn't piles of newspapers). I didn't understand how much it hurt him for me to throw out his old newspapers and boxes, until I read about hoarding.

People with hoarding tendencies are emotionally attached to their stuff - like it's their children or their memories. They need to make the decision themselves to get rid of it and that in turn helps to change the way they think.

I was always confused by my father being such a logical man and yet unable to throw out things that I saw no value in, but also paradoxically confused years before by my mother not understanding that I had to keep all MY stuff throughout my childhood. After her death and after I had moved out, Dad kept everything in my room as it was and even added things he thought I would like. Later he started storing other things in there and I had to stand my ground and make it my space since I came to stay once a year. My sister's bedroom was covered in car parts.

These days I'm trying to be a bit more like my mother.

As many tea pots as you can cram in...

Doesn't everyone like teapots? They are pretty and they sit really well together on a shelf. There is nothing wrong with collecting lots of tea pots - as long as you actually have the space to display them.

I was keeping tea pots I didn't really like or use. I have six now and five of them I actively use. The other one could be used too - it's not too precious, but it is a nice vintage one and it's the one that is a bit more decorative (and would cost a bit to replace). I've gotten rid of most of the small ones (well some of them are in the 'for sale' pile). People seem to like to give those as presents, but does anyone have just one cup of tea? Anyway, a big pot can be used to make a small pot of tea.

I'm on top of the tea pots - tea cups are a different story.

I don't know why at the moment

Lately I've been typing things into Facebook or into group pages, but deleting them instead of hitting enter... I don't know why. I'm a bit depressed. For no good or obvious reason. Things seem pointless. Expressing my opinion seems pointless. My opinion doesn't seem worthwhile.

It could be my health. It could be that I've been eating rubbish carbohydrates like potato chips. It could be that it has been raining for days and I haven't even tried to find sunlight. I haven't had any exercise and I'm not feeling well. This is probably it.

Nevertheless, it could also be that I haven't sold a damn thing since starting my Etsy shop. My things, while not being everyone's cup of tea, aren't that bad, or badly priced. I think I'm just not getting them in front of the people who might buy them. Making is one thing, marketing is a whole other story and it's similar to talking to people, which I am not good at. Bit down about that in general, but I still have hope and am still backing this idea. I need to make it work because I don't think I can go back to working for someone else.

The thought of working for someone and having to cope with the anxiety of being around people every day, that puts my mood into perspective. I'm not too badly off. I just need to eat better and get outside.

Not every hoader is the same

I get a bit annoyed about the way hoarding and hoarders are portrayed in the media. People are ashamed to say they have hoarding tendencies because the immediate image people have is filthy chaos, which isn't all hoarders at all. That is the extreme end of hoarding. Maybe that is where you end up when you are isolated and feeling ashamed is the beginning of that isolation.

Hoarders are interesting people

After having belonged to a hoarding group for a while, I think you can put hoarders into two groups - those that are overly creative and sensitive and those that have lives that are messed up in every way and their hoarding is just part of the complete and utter chaos.

The second group might be creative and sensitive too of course, but it's hard to tell. Maybe they are just less organised hoarders? I'm not saying the mess is their fault. They probably haven't made good choices, but sometimes that ability is taken away from you by stress or circumstance. Sometimes the only choices are bad choices. Once you get yourself in a hole, it is almost impossible to get out by yourself and if you have no social support then you don't get out.

The second group also seem more caught up in themselves. They don't seem to have much empathy or interest in other people's problems or successes and just want to talk about how awful their lives are. Many seem to have mental health issues too. 

The worry for me is that one group could just be the logical extension of the other.... Which just makes me want to quote Sherlock Holmes, but since I'm unlikely to be in the 'grace of God' I'd better just help myself not go from creative hoarder to 'life in chaos hoarder'.

Anyway, any time I doubt the choices I've made in life, I can think about these other people and know it can be worse. I could have done worse.

Right, so I'm trying to make my living through craft.

This is a change for me. I was a ‘visual artist’ and then a ‘graphic designer’. It’s not a real change... but this time I’d like to combine the two. I’d like to make something that’s worthwhile making and make money.

There has been a huge resurgence in craft recently. Did you notice? It’s the children of the 70’s and 80’s and their nostalgia that drives it. Remember that hand tooled leather purse your mother had. Remember that crocheted jacket? It doesn’t matter the reason really, I still love that it’s in fashion, even if so much of it is NOT MY THING. After all, much of the world isn’t.

Grief is like water

It steals bits of your life, leaving you like debris on an unknown beach. Washed over and tumbled, pale and bleached.

It joins with all the other grief in a deep well and drowns you again. Nothing can ever be the same when you surface. If you surface.

Sometimes life is just brief moments of glistening happiness between sticky webs of grief....